Thursday, March 07, 2013

Free Form and Untitled

January 25th
Free form writing. 

Writing #1
No more booze to drown in
No more pills to numb the pain
Now the darkness begins to fall
Surrounding, smothering
Mistakes from the past raise their ugly heads
Who am I now?
What is this place?
The space between hope and hell
All the silenced screams surface in a mind numbing roar
Who will I be without the pain?
I've binged on others' feelings unable to separate my own.
Will I be empty?
Will I learn to live again?

Writing #2
Later today I start a very painful journey back to myself
I have to ask myself is it worth it?
Half my life is over
I was supposed to be an entertainer/musician
Too old for stardom
Too young for the grave
No legacy of my own
Not even a house of cards to claim
My life has been a series of lies
Following paths that always lead nowhere
Letting my relationships define me
While the real me has been trapped and locked away from the world
Now the only person I crave is beyond my reach
Maybe this is the life of someone who was never meant to be
The past is a blur
The future won't come into focus
No shutter, no button to push to seize the moment
Thoughts, feelings and emotions all thrown on a canvas unable to form an image

Thursday, August 23, 2012

I'll Be Back Soon

It's been a rough couple of years and I plan to get back to writing soon.  To all who visit here: Thank You and I apologize for my absence.

Friday, July 15, 2011

No Room For The Human Ego In Spiritual Evolution

No matter what is going on in the world, from my little existence to the big picture, I remain passionate about peace and my belief we are all one.  However, the "I" cannot be a part of the "collective" one unless it is willing to let go of the human ego.  This is where you cease thinking with an organ (the brain) and start thinking and relying more on what comes from your spirit.  I cannot express enough how very important it is to embrace diversity and to truly love one another for who we are not what we do.  Throw any assumptions, prejudices and preconceived notions you have of others from different cultures and belief systems out the window and realize we are all as God intended us to be. I do not understand the "necessity" of war.  The boundaries we create are only seen by us.  In the vastness of the universe, borders of any kind, do not exist.  It is up to us to grasp humanity and embrace all the wonders of what makes each of us unique and learn from one another.  I know thinking with the spirit sounds new agey, weird, etc.  The only part of us that lives on is the spirit and I believe, to be a part of a collective conscious that reunites with the one who created us the human id/ego needs to fall away through the process of humility. If you already know what I'm talking about kudos to you.  If you do not there are some wonderful books out there that illustrate my point.  A Course in Miracles by Dr. Helen Schucman published solely by The Foundation for Inner Peace.  Gifts From A Course In Miracles, a collection of the combine course.  The Inner Voice of Love by Henri J.M. Nouwen, There's A Spiritual Solution to Every Problem by Wayne Dyer and if you look past the blinders religion seems to place on us, the teachings of Jesus become more inspirational when tunnel vision is stripped away when viewed as it was intended, by the spirit. It does not matter who you are or where you come from, spiritual evolution cannot occur without complete and total humility.

Saturday, May 21, 2011

Empathy: Gift or Curse

To sense a stranger's pain enough to make me stop and gasp again.
Like an unexpected storm the tears stream down my face for one who could meet my gaze and never feel the battle I fight is for him.
For a moment I feel it weaken and then without warning, my heart is heavy again.
Why am I allowed to sense the anguish of one who refuses to face what is his?
Is life a trade?
One soul for another?
Would I go as far as offering my happiness so that he may maintain ignorance of his pain?
Is this a choice? 
Who am I?

Wednesday, March 16, 2011


I see her and gaze into her eyes.
Her mind shattered by all the lies.

Where there was once hope, now pain.
Wondering if she will ever be happy again.

I see her grow yet suspended in time.
Never moving forward, always left behind.

Dreaming of what could be.
Never reaching beyond the gloom.
Lying on her bed in her forever closed room.

Her shades drawn, closed tight.
Eternally looming night.

I hear her speak but never above a whisper.
Hoping yet afraid someone might hear.

Looking for answers she kneels on the floor.
Saying a silent prayer once more.

I see her. She is me.
Forever running to be free.

Monday, February 28, 2011


Because of the guilt
I feel within.
Held accountable for many sins.

Whether they're mine
or from another time.

They brand me
They scar me.
They bar me from life.

All intertwined.
Your will or mine?

What's right?
What's wrong?
I've been waiting far too long.

I need you to approve
before I make any move.

Your silence grows
like a cancer in my brain.
I pray all night
only to wait again.

My needs, my desires.
Who do they belong to?

You made me who I am
for a reason.
So release me
from this prison.

Tell me, how long do I wait
before love turns to hate?

No test too hard for the true believer.
However, there is one thing I can not deliver.

The understanding you seek in me
Is far beyond anything I could ever be.

Tuesday, July 27, 2010


Intolerance is one of the most dangerous elements we humans have invented. For those of you who generalize, judge, practice prejudice of any kind and for those who think the earth is the center of the universe whether it be literal (cause we’re not) or figurative, remember everything on this earth and in the vastness of the universe IS God. He is the energy who created it and the one who inhabits all of His creation including humans. So when you practice intolerance, you are, in essence, being intolerant of parts of God.

As for the atheists out there, no one need judge them either. So the intolerance thing doesn't stop with religious or spiritual people. My version of creation and evolution is my own and I don't judge others who think differently.

What path do you wish to follow? Intolerance, judgment, ignorance, hate, apathy or compassion, empathy, wisdom and love for humanity? Who are you to judge others when you don't bother to research or get to know who it is you are placing under such scrutiny?

For those of us who are so steeped in our beliefs and opinions that we are blinded to any other possibility, it might be time to take those blinders off, open your heart, take a good honest look at yourself and remind yourself that you are a part of the creative force who is responsible for all life, as we all are. We are all connected through Him. And again, even those who do not believe in God can practice tolerance.  We're all still connected through the human spirit. To gain insight into a new way of thinking visit...
Embrace Diversity

Wednesday, March 10, 2010

All Life is Sacred

When war enters my mind, I always find myself feeling a bit confused. Coming from a family of troops (my father was a marine and his four brothers were either marine or navy), I take on a much different view of the world in terms of war and well, just plain being against it with every facet of my being. I do support our troops and pray they make it home safe and sound to their families SOON. I am not the most patriotic person. I am admittedly a Hippy, socialist who feels as though she's living on one huge target. My compassion is for humanity itself and the loss of unity throughout the world makes me feel sick. I've heard my father's stories of his tour in Korea and I find the older I get, the more war sickens me to my very core. As anti-war as I am, I can actually say that WWI, WWII could not be avoided. Now our troops are over there fighting for their very lives in a war that never should have been. I guess I will never understand the reason for the need for power. War seems like the world's pissing contest. I do not view land as something that should be owned or fought over. We cannot own it. Just as we cannot claim the ocean, the planet, the galaxy in which we live or the universe.

For a country that prides itself on being so courageous and powerful, inside our very own boundaries we do not take care of our hungry, homeless, elderly or young. Gang violence is its own war but it seems we don't do much about it. Things are happening HERE in America NOW that need our attention.

Meanwhile people are not giving our new president a chance. They expect miracles. The media is so bias it's ridiculous to even watch. I believe the Fox news network should be taken off the air completely. Then we have the Jerry Springer of politics, Rush Limbaugh who spews lies about himself and others every chance he can get. On the other side there's Micheal Moore who seems to believe he's doing some good with his films but one is just as bad as the other. Their choice of material only creates havoc and more division between the two political parties.

To me ALL life is sacred and I will never understand violence and war when there are better ways to work things out. I mean no disrespect to our troops. I may not understand or agree with war but I will always pray for their safe return. I just wish they were fighting for a country worth fighting for instead of the capitalistic, conglomerate we call America. Yes, I know that is harsh and I don't mean to sound ungrateful but it seems the priorities of this county are a bit whacked. We let insurance companies dictate how, when and even if we get health care. Don't like the idea of socialized medicine? There are countries out there where the Doctors work for the government and the health care is free and the mortality rate is much less than we have here in America. Our health care system ranks in the 30s internationally. We are far behind not only in how we manage our health care but our procedures are lacking as well. People seem to prefer to fly to Europe to get specialized surgeries because we just don't have the knowledge over here yet.

Bottom line, we are a very young country who could stand to learn a bit from example. Instead we seem to be on more of a power trip. All life is connected. Borders are something we create just as the religious dogma that also aids in division instead of unity. Yes, I am a hippy and I will continue to respect all life.

Saturday, December 19, 2009

Christmas is NOT Thanksgiving

I'm not quite sure why Americans seem to think Christmas is the appropriate time to give thanks to our soldiers. Now we have to color his birthday, which no one can accurately calculate, with the blood of war. The holiday has already suffered loss of meaning by commercialization. People pushing and shoving to get just the right gift for a loved one or friend on Christ's birthday. Some who recognize the holiday don't even believe the man existed. If you don't believe Christ existed at all then DON'T celebrate it. For those proud Americans who seem to think this is the opportune time to bring war into the picture by thanking our soldiers for being in a war that should never have been is appalling. To celebrate bloodshed on this day of all days makes my stomach sick and my heart hurt. I refuse to label myself under any religion because of the dogma that comes with it. People are missing the whole meaning of Christ. He symbolizes unconditional love, trust and unity by embracing diversity. Man made ideologies seem to promote quite the opposite. Only ONE religion can be right. Which is yet another, falsehood. Here we adapt the meaning of Christ to fit our own small minded agendas. 

Saturday, October 17, 2009

We are more than our flesh.

I have been thinking a good bit lately about the laws of attraction. After viewing a Jon Stewart episode where he had an author on who seemed very defensive and closed off to the idea of the laws of attraction. I don't think she realizes that it's not a new way of being. Hindus and Yogis have been practicing this for years. It is better to embrace something negative weather it be an illness, a person or a situation. It is only then one can truly understand the body and fighting a disease with negative energy only increases fear. Both of which are highly toxic to the immune system. I have had to learn to embrace some pretty crappy things throughout my life but it wasn't until then that I realized I was starting to evolve spiritually. This is why I don't believe that one religion rules over the other. They are ideologies that our brain either adapts to or refuses. If one were to listen more to the spirit self there would be much less confusion, racism, war, hate, famine etc. We are letting an organ (the brain) create a world that is not necessarily full of truths. The spirit can and does think for itself. That is who we really are and how God made us in his own image. So no, I don't believe God is a dude with a long white beard waiting at a pair of pearly gates. Our body is not in his image but our energy or spiritual self is. Our brain is just an organ. It's a tool we use. Our true self is all comprised of energy. Everything else dies and decays whereas the soul or spirit self continues on. Who we are lies beyond an organ. As I listened to this author twist words around to make this way of being sound almost foolish, and even though she claims to have tried this through her illness, I couldn't help but see that she had no clue as to what it is like to think or exist beyond the flesh. Our bodies are just something we're encased in folks. The way we inhabit them and use them to relate to others is what really counts. But again, that is not all we are. This is also why I believe we are all a part of one another spiritually. It does not matter what religion we adhere to or chose not adhere to. We are all finger prints of God. I realize God is known by many names and is thought of in many different ways. I'm not putting down anyone's religious choice. That is a freedom God gave to us. Just as he made us all individuals but at the same time, at a spiritual level, we are all a part of him. I know I may sound nutty and new agey but the truth is, what I'm saying here is older than most religions. It's all in how your brain perceives God, religion, etc. And that is why it is so important to embrace each others differences instead of fighting against them. Unconditional love is all about the acceptance of others regardless of how their minds might comprehend what is right and wrong. When it comes to unconditional love there is no right and wrong way to accept one another.

We are all born with a moral compass. Philosophies like treating each other the way we want others to treat us should be common sense. Sadly, it is not because some folks can't realize their full potential spiritually if they don't see beyond the flesh. World peace will never happen if we cannot meet on some common ground and I believe our spirit selves are that common ground. It is the foundation of who we are as individuals and as a complete consciousness. In other words, regardless of beliefs, thoughts, etc., we are all made from the same energy (God) and that is where our roots are found. It is so important to be clear when we communicate with each other because no two people are going to view the same situation in the same way as long as they are using their brains only. We are all here as teachers and students of one another. If we truly could grasp the concept that we are all a part of each other, just imagine how that would change our views and the way we relate to one another. Having your opinion is one thing but to expect others to adhere to what your brain is telling you is preposterous and sadly, there is no unity if we continue to cling to our own ideals without even a chance of imagining how this might affect others in a much larger picture. We are not just a country, we are a world full of people and acceptance comes from embracing our differences for that is the only way we can learn and teach one another. Close minded individuals have no idea what they are missing out on because they cling so tightly to their ideals and beliefs. We cannot all be right or wrong. We just are and just how God intended us to be... individuals as humans but spiritually connected to Him.